well, I think the title says it all, my phone call about the embies was not good this morning. I should have known the call would be not good by the tone of the nurses voice. OK, here is what happened. Yesterday afternoon, after the called me, the 5 embryos began to degrade. They began to fragment and began to lose cell division. They were down graded to C- embryos. So basically, none of them are viable for transfer. So, they had to thaw 3 more of our remaining 5 embryos. All three of them survived the inital thaw and are classified as growing. The other 5 are stil classified as growing but they think that those ones will all arrest today or tomorrow. So, we are still in this cycle but have lost more embies. I am hoping and praying that these other 3 that they thawed do not do the same thing. These 3 are older, they were frozen at Day 4, so I am hoping the quality is better and that the freeze did not damage them. Needless to say, this news really upset me this morning and I spent about 30 minutes just crying in Matt's arms. He was shocked and upset as well but he keeps it all in.
However, now that the shock has warn off, I am trying to think of this in the best light I can. I am leaving all of this up to God now. I have realized I have no control over the situation and even though this is not the way I wanted this situation to work out, it is in God's plan for me. As hard as it is to relinquish control of the situation, it is what I need to do to stay sane! God has a plan for us and maybe he has a plan for one or more of these embies to be our children. Right now, i just don't know and I think that is what makes this situation so hard for me to understand.
If any of you have prayers, good thoughts, whatever that you can spare for me, I truly think that would help. I truly believe in the power of prayer and I could really use it now. Thanks and I really hope to be able to report great news tomorrow.
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We're praying, as always. I realy hope this works for you. I know how hard it is to give up control, but sometimes that's what you need to do to hear the answer, whether it is the answer you want to hear or not. Good luck, and keep me posted.
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